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| I'd have to say that 2000-2009 will go down as the defining decade of my life. Unless something crazy happens in the coming decades, yes, this will have been the defining decade. On January 1, 2000, I was still a minor-- just a couple of weeks from turning 18. It is quite overwhelming to think of how much happened from the ages of 17-27 in my life. I feel blessed. I have been on four different continents in the past 10 years, and have grown into an adult that I think would have totally surprised by teenage self.
I'd like to record my most vivid recollections from the past decade here:
2000
The year 2000 happened. Y2K did not happen.
Traveled to Mexico with Spanish class - Cancun, Merida, Chichen Itza
Turned 18-- celebrated at Buca di Beppo in downtown Indianapolis with my parents, sister, and best friends. My best friends rented a room at the Hyatt that night, and stayed in a hotel room on our own for the first time.
Played lead role of Marian in The Music Man at FCHS.
Went to Sanibel Island with the Snyder family and best friends, Ginger, Katie, and Lydia for Spring Break.
Received Johnson Co. Community Foundation Scholarship- Lilly Grant. Got the news at Noble Roman's Pizza out with the cast of the Music Man-- no cell phone back then. The manager called me to the phone to talk to my parents.
Said yes to my acceptance to Hanover College.
Graduated from FCHS with honors, Top 10.
Spent my summer working at Mutual Savings Bank as a teller.
Began education at Hanover College in rural Indiana- began as undecided major.
Lived in Wiley Hall.
2001
Initiated into Chi Omega.
Decided on a psychology major.
Went to Panama City Beach in my new used Honda for Spring Break.
Began questioning my faith, Christianity, God. But, began spiritual direction with Margaret Krantz. She wound up offering the support I needed during a really dark time in my life of faith... she journeyed with me throughout college and into my life in Chicago.
Lived in Wiley Hall, new roommate- Angie French
September 11. I woke up in Wiley Hall and was preparing for the Biology Class both Angie, my roommate, and I were in. I distinctly remember pouring coffee into my red Starbucks mug when Mandy Kudmani, who also lived on the hall, told everyone to turn on their TV sets, and that something terrible had just happened in DC. We watched the towers fall before walking to class. Our distressed Biology professor was in tears as he cancelled class for the day.
Saw the Northern Lights for the first time on a quiet evening at Hanover, I think it was November. Incredible.
2002
Went again to Panama City Beach for Spring Break- this time in a car with friends Sarah Tackitt, Lindsey McFarland, Liz Housholder, and Angie French. Nearly 1/2 of Hanover's campus took over one hotel during our off-season, late Spring Break.
Studied abroad at University of Wollongong, Australia. (This was my first solo plane ride, and it was across the world. I cried all the way through the screening process.)
Lived in housing just across from the beach. Did a lot of sunbathing and beach-walking that semester.
Students at UoW were actively protesting the Iraq War.
Became close friends with Luke Bowman and Lisa Wolf-- their friendship was extremely formative as we were all away from home, studying together, and living in the same complex.
Documented my study abroad semester on microcassette tape, exchanged with Angie via post.
Sang an Italian aria in the Sydney Opera House (on a tour, but still quite amazing).
Travelled up and down the East Coast of Australia via bus and train.
Stayed with Clive and Ann, people Gram and Uncle Mark had met on a European Cruise, in Canberra with Luke and Lisa... they cooked breakfast for us on a BBQ... we chased kangaroos and wallabees around while enjoying the Capital city.
Met my long-time pen pal (since 3rd grade), Helene Moretto, of Cairns, Australia. We climbed the Sydney Harbor Bridge together, ate emu & kangaroo, and with her I tried sushi for the first time. I visited her home and met her family in Cairns.
Backpacked in Northern Thailand - went on my own and met up with a tour group-- spent my first Thanksgiving away from home on a trek in the bush-- I was the only American, so I taught my British, French, and Australian travel mates about my Thanksgiving traditions eating chicken and rice at a candle-lit picnic table.
2003
Struggled with reverse culture shock returning home from laid-back, quiet Australia. The LAX airport was so loud, TV media bombarded every turn, and that was just the first couple of hours off the plane.
Returned to Hanover to live in Chi Omega with Angie and Stacy Bowling.
Traveled to Jamaica on medical mission trip.
Changed my major to philosophy, minor in psychology.
Spring Break in Tempe, AZ with Gram and Uncle Mark, Angie came along on this trip.
Took Utopias and Intentional Communities class with Dr. Bob Rosenthal and friends- Went to St. Meinrad's Monastery, Amish Farm, New Age Community, and The Farm in Tennessee for the first time. This was one of those times in my life that I look back and I see a definite crossroads.
Went on a Caribbean cruise to celebrate Lindsay's graduation from FCHS with Mom, Dad, Lindsay, and her friend Cara.
Began senior year at Hanover.
Was part of Contemplative Prayer Group started by Margaret Krantz.
Started "Meeting of the Minds" Philosophy discussion group with retired professor Jan Smucker and a great group of people that met once a week.
2004
22nd birthday at Ovo Cafe in Madison, IN== a special present from Gram. I got to take 11 friends to dinner.
Traveled to Calnali, Mexico on mission trip, along with Becky Nixon and others.
Dr. Mike Duffy's classes in theological studies -- both Sexual Ethics (Fall '03) and Vocational Discernment (Spring '04)-- provide extraordinary formation in the final year of college.
Spring Break at The Farm-- Vision Quest with Dan Shevchik, Ian Love, and others... I was the only woman present for the weekend... built our own sweat lodge and everything.
Was part of John Henry's brainchild, "Wake Up and Live" at Hanover during Spring Term.
Viewed the planet Saturn through a telescope at Hanover.
Stayed up all night with Becky Nixon and Brent Collins to watch the sunrise at the Point.
Traveled to Italy on Philosophy Spring Term trip.
Backpacked in Belgium, France and Italy over the summer for one month.
Moved to Chicago.
Lived in intentional community at Mercy Home for Boys and Girls in a house of 14 volunteers, worked as a case worker and residential care provider.
Clarified a call to pursue theological studies... still not sure about a call to the church or the academy at this point.
Applied to Claremont School of Theology, Harvard Divinity School, University of Chicago, McCormick Theological Seminary, and Candler School of Theology at Emory-- accepted to all but UChicago.
2005
Took my first steps as a jogger on my 23rd birthday. Trained for a 5K and completed it. Then trained for a sprint triathlon and completed it.
Visited Claremont School of Theology and Candler's Scholar's Weekends. Also went to Harvard Divinity preview weekend (got to stand in Ralph Waldo Emerson's memorial pulpit in HDS Chapel, very cool). These weekend visits made the choice of seminary very clear-- Claremont was the place for me to pursue studies and the next steps in life.
Began ordination process in the Presbyterian Church (USA).
Participated in protest of Iraq War at the Daley Center in Chicago with roommate Rachel.
Spent a week at the Abbey of Gethesmani in silence with the Trappist monks thanks to Gram.
Moved to Southern California- took a road trip with Becky and drove through Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, Utah & Nevada -- arrived in Southern California with just a carload of possessions to my name, but an amazing group of friends awaiting me.
Began three years of being roommates with Meg Ryan. Meg and I lived in East Housing and journeyed into ministry together. We are the only first-career females who have pursued ordained ministry out of our graduating class.
Discovered the Episcopal Church one Sunday at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Pomona. I had found my spiritual home. Transferred membership, began confirmation class.
Thanksgiving in Tempe, AZ with Gram and Uncle Mark for the next three years.
Began leading Contemplative Prayer Group at Claremont.
2006
Ginger, Katie and Lydia visit California for our first "Friends/Family Vacation." Lyd and Ginger complete a half marathon in Huntington Beach, along with Kevin and Tracy.
Travelled with Catherine Phillips and people of St. Paul's Pomona to Holy Cross in Santa Barbara for retreat.
Confirmed in the Episcopal Church on May 14.
Fr. Dan Ade encourages my involvement in the ordination process for the priesthood.
Began ordination process in the Episcopal Church.
Seminary Summer with Interfaith Worker Justice. Lived with Gulsum, a Muslim woman who was my peer, co-worker, and roommate at Uncle Mark's apartment.
Began Ministry Study Year/Field Education at Church of the Ascension- Sierra Madre under the mentorship of Fr. Michael Bamberger.
Began process of discernment with Mary Baffes, Lavette Teague, Nonie Lathrop and Rheta King at Church of the Ascension.
Robert asked me on a date in E-235 on November 5.
Went on first date with Robert English in November at Bangkok Blue restaurant in La Verne, CA.
2007
Taught English in Korea over the winter term with Bert, Meg, Daniel, Brian, and Anne.
Was accepted as a postulant and candidate for the priesthood.
Louisville Spring Break with Brian Choi-- stayed with future sister-in-law Amy English near Bardstown Road, hung out with her, my parents, Presbyterian seminarians from Louisville Theological Seminary all week.
Lived in Sierra Madre at the Skiles' home and completed a unit of CPE at Methodist Hospital in Arcadia.
2008
Took and passed General Ordination Exams for the Episcopal Church.
Robert proposed to me on February 7 in Kresge Chapel.
Another fun Spring Break in Louisville and Franklin-- celebrating engagement.
Graduated from seminary on May 15 -- Presidential Award for Academic Excellence.
Anglican Pilgrimage in England immediately following graduation.
Ordained to the transitional diaconate June 7.
Celebrated as a Deacon for the first time at Church of the Ascension in Sierra Madre.
Said goodbye to friends at Ascension.
Moved in with Tracy, Kevin, Megan and Jeremy in the Green St. house.
Moved rest of stuff to Princeton St. Parsonage in Santa Monica, where Robert went to live and work.
Began work as associate at St. Wilfrid's Episcopal Church, Huntington Beach; Robert begins work as associate at First United Methodist Church of Santa Monica.
Moved into Princeton St. Parsonage the week of the wedding-- had our wedding party in the house throughout the week.
Bachelorette party to remember -- Brazilian BBQ, The Edison, random Hollywood bar, and an amazing time with friends at the Roosevelt Hotel, wrapping up in a 24-hour diner at 6am. 
Married on October 11 at Claremont School of Theology.
Honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
Adopted our cats, Dutu and Arturo, in November.
Barack Obama first elected black President of the United States.
2009
Gram died on Epiphany- January 6.
Ordained to the priesthood on January 10.
Celebrated Eucharist and performed baptisms at St. Wilfrid's with my family and church family on January 11.
Gram's funeral back in Indiana.
Emerging Church Conference in Albuquerque, NM.
Friends/Family Vacation- Houseboat trip with Ginger, Katie, Lydia, and spouses.
Assistant director of General Convention Youth Program in July with Fr. Michael Archer leading this project.
Took Youth of St. Wilfrid's on an urban mission trip to San Francisco.
Served as chaplain at Camp Stevens' Japan Camp with Fr. Michael Bamberger.
Spent a week in silence at Abbey of Gethsemani with the Trappist monks thanks to the people of St. Wilfrid's.
Bishops-elect Diane Bruce and Mary Glasspool elected at Diocesan Convention.
Robert completed his ordination papers. We await the next steps in our journey together in life and in ministry.
WOW. I sat and thought about this for a long time. Many memories surfaced, and I know I'm forgetting a lot and leaving a lot out. It will be great to have a record of all of these memories in the future, I think.
Finally, as I look back on the past decade, I cannot ignore some of the moments left off of here. There were many wonderful moments with family and friends. I could write a couple of volumes on the stories and details. There are a few people who were particularly formative during the past 10 years.
Robert, you are my heart and my life. I will never forget meeting you at Scholar's Weekend. How you intrigued me and how I was attracted to you from the moment we stepped off our respective planes and met in the lobby of the Ontario Airport in February 2005. I am grateful that you first became my neighbor and classmate and best friend, and then the love of my life. Thank you for loving me and marrying me.
My parents, Phil and Judy, were with me all along. Mom and Dad have always been there to support me and to nurture me. They encouraged my path, even when it seemed strange or crazy or dangerous. They trusted me. They listened and cared. I am grateful for them. I know they sat at home and worried when I was off backpacking all over the world. (Little did they know that Hanover College was probably more dangerous of a place than the rest of the world I was exploring. ) Thanks for always being there-- giving me roots as a child and letting me take wing as an adult.
Lindsay, my little sister, journeyed into adulthood with me in some fun and unexpected ways. Linds, thanks for sharing childhood with me, and bringing the story of our Rainey family into important parts of our early adulthood.
Gram and Uncle Mark were mentioned several times above. Uncle Mark sent me to Thailand. Both Gram and Uncle Mark subsidized many of my adventures and most of my wardrobe in the past decade. I talked for hours on the phone with my Gram over the past decade. I drove to Arizona several times while they lived in Tempe. They supported my journey, and encouraged my path.
I am grateful to those who have been mentors to me. There are many of you. To name a few... Larry Lynch was the first to tell me I had the potential to get a graduate degree. He shared with me his journey as a former Roman Catholic priest, recovering alcoholic, teacher, and friend to many at an important time. He taught me what it meant to be a servant. He died this year. May he rest in peace. Margaret Krantz, your unfailing love and listening heart helped me to believe in and experience God again. Thank you for journeying with me in such a life-defining way. Mike Duffy, you have seen my true self and helped me to be unafraid to live into who I am. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for teaching me. Michael Bamberger, you have helped me know and live into what it means to be a priest in God's church. You shepherded me and named the potential you saw in me. You taught me about both humility and confidence. Thank you for walking with me as I discovered and began my vocation.
My best friends from childhood who are still my best friends-- Ginger, Katie, Lydia, and Paul-- thanks for your friendship that has survived time and distance. Angie and Becky, and all of the HC folks, thank you for all of the good times we shared at Hanover College. Meg, Tracy, Kevin, Daniel, Travis, Kelley, Dan, Luke, and Brian-- and the rest of the CST crew-- what an incredible ride seminary was.
I am grateful to have too many people whom I have called friends to name all of you. If I start naming all of you, I will spend all day, and inadvertently miss someone. You know who you are. I am grateful for you-- both the good and the bad. I am grateful for all that many of you taught me. All of the late-night conversations. The times at coffee. The parties where we had a lot of fun and sometimes too much fun. Figuring out how to be an adult. Making dinners together. Reading books and talking about them. Taking classes and sharing what we learned and how it was changing us.
Finally, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the hurt I caused some of you in the past ten years. I am sorry. I made some unwise decisions, and I made decisions that adversely impacted you. I'm sorry for the ways you were impacted by those decisions. I'm sorry our friendship was impacted by those decisions. I hope the next decade brings further reconciliation and understanding.
Again, WOW. I cannot imagine another decade this full and rich. What will the next ten years-- ages 27 to 37-- bring?
I hope for friendship, love, courage, freedom, understanding, and more wonderful, Spirit-filled changes.
Happy 2010!
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And just a little bit more... in the news today:
It's funny, because this morning I was reading the New York Times, and there were two articles directly related to this list of life events: in one, Ruth Lilly died at age 94 in Indianapolis early this morning (12/31). She was the last surviving grandchild Eli Lilly. She gave away nearly $500 million to various charities and arts-related groups. Her philanthropy paid my way to college. My life would not be what it is without her life. May she rest in peace, and may the Lilly legacy continue to change lives.
I also read an article about University of Chicago this morning, and their application process. I guess for their undergrads, they require the "Uncommon Application," which is a series of essays that must display creativity, and seemingly, quirkiness. Being rejected from UChicago back in 2005 was a good lesson in humility for me. Getting the thin rejection letter in the mail was a good blow to the ego that I probably needed. The letter had, I believe, two lines. It basically said, "Dear Allison, You have not been accepted our Master's program. Thank you, The Office of Admissions"
There was maybe one more line, but no more than that. I have no doubt my essay was lacking in creativity. I would not have thought to place a parcel of puns in an application for a degree in divinity. To be honest, I had so little of a clue as to what I was jumping into when I applied to seminaries and theological schools. I just knew I had the affirmation of people whom I trusted, and the courses in the catalogs looked like exactly what I wanted to study. Anyhow, how interesting that this article popped up as I recalled my application 1/2 a decade ago.
I remember in college being stunned by how all of the subjects I learned all were interrelated... even Geology and Political Science seemed interconnected. I love how this morning's news interrelated with my reflection on the past decade in a couple of interesting ways.
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| I've been around a lot of people reassessing their vocation lately. Two of my friend are in their late 20s. They discovering they have passions that have been squelched for too long. But it has not been too long to stop, take account of where they are, and dream about where they will go next. I'm also had the privilege of knowing some people who are discerning ministry.
It was most thrilling when someone recently realized that they were not, in fact, called to priesthood, but to teach. This person made this discovery after many, many years of thinking that parish ministry was their call, and that call never coming to fruition.
There are several people I know who are unemployed. The most recent of these people is my dad. I found out he will not have a job as of January. The first time Dad lost his job of 17 years at Kawneer, he spent some time on unemployment, and some time in a job he did not like. And then he found Prevent Blindness Indiana. I think my dad discovered a calling in his late 50s. He is meant to be out working with people in a non-profit field. I had never seen him enjoy a job so much. I grew up with him not sleeping well at night and never really talking about his job to him beaming about his new job in most of our phone conversations.
Unfortunately, PBI is severely downsizing, and that will include my dad. But, to hear my dad consider strategies about where he can serve underprivileged populations in the field of vision screening is really exciting to me. I think it will be a much more fruitful time of unemployment for my dad this time around.
I got really sick of the word "discernment" in seminary. About half of our classes somehow included discerning something. But, all of that discernment led me down a path I never expected. I remember our first year of seminary, in the Vocational Discernment class, saying to God, "Ok, I trust you... open up the path and I'll walk it." That's when the path to priesthood pretty much slammed me in the face. It was a total surprise.
Never did I expect to walk into an Episcopal Church and be so transformed by the liturgy. Never did I expect to go to lunch with the priest of that church only to hear the question, "Have you considered the priesthood?" Never did I expect to be so warmly welcomed into the little Anglo-catholic village church in Sierra Madre, where Fr. Michael Bamberger and the parishioners of Church of the Ascension provided exemplary formation and continued discernment. Never did I expect any of this.
The last year and a half of ordained ministry has been a huge learning curve. I have felt excited, enthusiastic, overwhelmed, scared, uncertain, and every once in a while at peace. Talking to other priests, they have affirmed that the first year or two is definitely the most challenging. And then, there have been a few others that have affirmed that all of the years are incredibly challenging.
I'm pretty bipolar about the whole thing. There are days when I'm on top of the world. The Spirit moves in exciting ways in a liturgy that I planned. The Youth do something incredible, and I go home feeling like all of the hard work with them was really worth it. I get to pray or share communion with someone who is sick, lonely, or dying, and bring the church community to them. The sermon I deliver is a home-run.
And there are days when things are just really crappy. I know I said the wrong thing, or did not hear someone's heart well. I realize we neglected to see someone who had been absent from church for a long time. The Youth are just totally out-of-control, and I don't have enough support. The sermon leaves a lot to be desired.
Above the rollercoaster of the everyday, there is trying to balance ministry and marriage. Someone told me once that the church is like a mistress to the marriage. Bert and I have to continually reassess where we are with our marriage, an uphold our commitment to one another above our commitment to the church. It is a balancing act. I often wonder if we could actually handle marriage, ministry, AND children. The answer might be NO. And if it's YES, we have to figure out how in the world that could happen without destroying a child's life.
With everyone discerning around me, I wonder, how long I will be at St. Wilfrid's? I wonder, where I am going next? Four and a half years ago, I told God I would trust that the doors would open and shut as they should. I think that's where I am now. Looking for the open and shut doors, and discerning how I can most fully be myself and convey my passions in this demanding, challenging, wonderful vocation.
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| Sermonizing has led me to an old book full of pre-Socratic fragments that I hadn't opened up since college. The Apostle Paul may have gotten some of his theology on the Body of Christ from reading guys like Stobaeus: "When they were coming together, Strife was being displaced to the extremity."
And does this have anything to do with the direction of my sermon? No.
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| I've been noticing lately how few people between the age of 16 and 24 are able to secure a job. I'm so grateful for my job, even though the church did scale back my hours and pay by 10% due to the economic crisis in this country. Robert and I still live comfortably, are paying off our student debt, and are managing to save some money.
I do have a very real concern for the future of young people in our country, however. And really just every age. I talked to someone in their 40s this week who lost their job, and has very little money saved. Probably enough to make it through 1/2 a year of retirement.
The Baby Boom of the mid-20th century is going to become a geriatric boom in the first quarter of the 21st century. Right now, many people my parents' age can't retire because their investments sank late last year. And, with the age expectancy up, there is NO way people in the Baby Boom era can reasonably retire. Once they do retire, they'll have years and years of life that may not have been anticipated in their savings plans through the past 30-40 years. That means taking the jobs for spending money that 16-year-olds used to secure.
It also means jobs that would normally be taken by the next earliest generation are not available, and that trickles down to college-educated young adults not finding jobs, or taking jobs at Starbucks. For a few years, young people were just going back to school during these times, incurring student debt, and hoping that their education would help secure a better job for them. Now, we have a bunch of graduate-educated folks who are my friends and peers with thousands of dollars of debt still unable to find jobs or working at Starbucks.
And, as the Baby Boom continues to age, we will inevitably have a breakdown in our healthcare system and in Social Security. As we learned in our pastoral care for the aging class, we are in an unprecedented time in our world, where the aging population is greater than ever before. We don't know how to function as a society with this many aging people.
I don't think the trend will reverse, either. I don't think it's just the Baby Boomers, it's just that people are living longer in general. I heard someone say, "if we find the cure for cancer, our economy is then REALLY doomed." Too many people living. Too many people unemployed. Our society is going to have to shift or face utter economic and hence societal chaos.
There is hope. I just am anticipating how we can use our brains to make that hope available to all people at all ages. I foresee a shift in how we live, a move back to multi-generational households living together and supporting one another by sharing resources and living more simply. We'll see. After several decades of excess, we need to shift back to the post-Depression mentality of thrift. But nearly no one experienced a culture of thrift as an adult person. Even if they knew how to be thrifty in their own lives or homes at one point or another, we've lived in a society of excess and wastefulness for nearly 70 years. It will be interesting. There is hope.
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| Last night I had a vivid and weird dream. Thanks to a weekend of youth activities, saying goodbye to dear friends, and officiating the marriage of more dear friends, I had plenty of images to fuel the dream.
The first thing I remember is being clad in a beautiful red dress. And, I was wearing my chapel-length wedding veil right along with it. I felt confident and accomplished in the dream. And then, suddenly, I'm at the opening to a door. It's the hallway of Webb Elementary School where the first grade classrooms were back in the late 80s. Bishop Bruno is there, along with Joanna Satorius, who is the Canon for Formation and Deployment in our Diocese, and some woman I do not know or recognize. Bishop Bruno sees me and gives me a hearty handshake. The woman I do not know nods her head at me, but makes no contact. And then, Joanna gives me a motherly hug. It was one of those "you are safe and protected" hugs. Like a mom gives a first grader on the first day of school.
I enter the classroom in the dress and veil. The desks are set up just like in first grade, and I'm supposed to find my seat. Meals are set up on the tables. It's delicious food-- fried chicken, ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, I think there was steak or some kind of beef on the plate, too (much like the meal we had at the high school retreat on Saturday night!). I see old friends from times past. Some first graders from 1988, even. Just a bunch of very old, familiar faces.
Everyone has a place at a cluster of desks. I keep going around in the dream trying to find my place. I tried to sit down at a table that happened to be a group of artists. One of the members of the table is a face from middle school. Now I can't recall the name of the girl, though I remembered in the middle of the night. She looked at me kindly and told me I was in the wrong place.
I found my table. I was all alone. I wondered why I was alone. I checked out the food on the plate. I had just as much food as everyone else, so it wasn't about me getting less than everyone else. I just had to eat alone. I sat in my red dress, trying to figure out how I got the lonesome table. I spotted Robert, and he wasn't alone either. He was across the room, waving and smiling, with a bunch of our friends, sitting at first grade classroom desks.
I sat looking at the food, contemplating my spot alone at the table, when I woke up.
Someone decipher that one for me! Looks like I know what I'm bringing to therapy this week.
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